Hello my flowers! So happy to be back for yet another week! Thank you once again for all the support and feedback I have received. I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to write and share it all with y’all. This will be my final blog for my Get to Know Me series where I will be talking about myself. That felt so weird to type. Hopefully this goes smoothly. This is weird. I feel like, well, y’all know when people say, “tell me about yourself”, you make yourself sound super lame, or super conceited. The worst part about school is when we all introduce ourselves. Like, “Yes hello my name is Lili I like cheese please give me an A”. Y’all know what I mean?
I know I shared a bit about myself in my about me tab (if you haven’t checked it out you should because it’s fabulous and as a bonus you get a really fabulous picture of me ft. my double chin and my long hair that is no longer with me). I wanted to make this more personal. I am 21 years old, I have a full time job, I am currently a History major in secondary education (Jamestown 1607), I’m a youth leader, a worshiper, a dog mommy of 2, and I also really love cheese. I can say I am pretty outgoing, I like meeting new people, (especially people that have dogs or share a love for Disney). I LOVE DISNEY. I’ve currently been there five times and I want to go 29049375982 more times as well. For all you guys out there, yes I am single (accepting boyfriend applications) JUST KIDDING. JUST KIDDING. PLEASE LAUGH HA HA HA. I am currently happy in trying to figure out my life, learning more about myself, and just growing as a person, God will send me my Prince Charming at the right time and we will go to Disney and eat lot’s of Dole Whips together and fangirl about the Mouse, and live happily ever after. (Yes I do realize it’s 2016 and I still believe in fairytales, I am super old fashioned and I am a hopeless romantic, how more cheesy can I get? *cheese sounds really good right now*)
I know, my life sound pretty fabulous, but everything is not always as it seems. Though you may think that I am a ray of Sunshine 24/7 (and if you personally know me you would think the same for the most part), it hasn’t always been a life of bubbles. I have struggled a lot throughout the years, you want to know why? Because I’m human. Because of my past mistakes and failures, I chained myself to the thought of being worthless, not deserving happiness and love, contemplating not taking another breath anymore, it’s true. And you ask yourself, how can a person as fabulous as Lili go through all of that and how is she the way she is now? Sometimes, we dig our on hole. We make mistake after mistake because WE choose to live that way, and once we have dug too far, we think there is no possible way of coming back up. That’s how I felt in my life.
I broke my parents heart, I’ve been a hypocrite, a bad friend, etc. I thought I didn’t deserve anything good, it would just be better if I wasn’t alive anymore. I kept on beating myself up over and over again. Have you ever messed up before and replay it over and over and over again? I wanted to call it quits on everything, I was overcome by darkness in so many ways, I grew up in the church, I was always there, involved in almost just about everything, I was a Bible school graduate, I sang, I led worship, why was I this way? How could I?
I grew so tired of it, I knew I had to stop, and it did. After much prayer, reading the Bible, truly finding God in His word and worship, it hit me. Yes, I made mistakes, yes I had failed, but that was all in my past, it was gone. I was the one that kept on bringing it up over and over again. We tend to do that sometimes and we are only hurting ourselves. I serve a God almighty who is capable of forgiveness, and loving me, healing all of my wounds and restoring me. But I was choosing to live that way.
God is a God of forgiveness. God loves us even when we fail. God has restored my life. Yes, I still stumble, but I let Him catch me.
If you’re going through something in your life right now, wether it’s stress, depression, anxiety, or anything else, you’re not alone, I’ve been there. I can tell you it is only temporary. If you messed up, so what?! It’s in the past. You are able to start over. It’s the start of something new with God. Sometimes we might pray and ask and feel like He is silent, but He is still at works.
You’re just human (I know it sucks because I wanted to be a mermaid). You’re going to mess up, things will happen that are out of you’re control, but have peace. God knows what you’re going through, He sees you. He awaits for you with open arms to give you peace and restoration.
Whatever happened in the past is gone. We are living in the NOW. Work hard, seek God, be you. Embrace how beautiful you are (inside and out). Yes, we are flawed, but we are still fabulous. You are not a failure. Life is not a race. Life is not a competition. God sees you, God notices you. God loves you. If I could make it through it, so can you! I am cheering you on girl! (and boy if you are reading this, you’re fabulous too). You ARE strong enough, you ARE beautiful enough, you ARE worth it.
That is what I have to say about myself. Yes, I love food, Disney, dogs, vintage, music, flowers, sleep, cheese, writing, pillow pets, etc. But I am more than that, I am a daughter of the one true King. I am the daughter of a man who gave His life for me. A man who knew I was going to stumble and fall, but He knew I was worth it. Yes, I am flawed, boy am I flawed, but my flaws and mistakes don’t define who I am. I have been redeemed and rescued. I have been forgiven.
I am worth living. I am worth seeing another day as long as God allows it. I am still learning about this thing called life. I’m learning from my achievements and my mistakes. I am learning more about myself, learning to love who I am. With and without the makeup.
I encourage you to do that. Take some time everyday to have some alone time with God, and some alone time with yourself. Write down your flaws, but also write down your strengths. Give yourself some encouragement everyday. Whatever you are going through, you CAN get through it. I’ll never get tired of telling you that you’re beautiful, and so worth it.
Remember, you’re fabulous.
Fabulously Un-Fabulous 